WHAT SHOULD BUFFS CALL ME

when my friend picks me up outside of absinthe

when i’m at liquor mart trying to decide what kind of alcohol to get

when i go to core power yoga

what i think i look like

what i actually look like

when my friend tells me she has to start maymester already

when the goose lost their liquor license

when i stop at cosmo’s on the way home from pearl

when the waiter asks if i want a salad

when i have $1 kamikaze shots at the downer

when my parents tell me i drink too much

when i say goodbye to the professor who gave a cumulative final